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The Broken Clockwork Soldier

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A bit late, Marine Corps birthday [Nov. 12th, 2008|11:49 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier

I am proud to claim the title of United States Marine
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check out my shirt [Sep. 26th, 2008|08:03 am]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
www.Siude.com

its on the main page today, I don't know how long it is up.
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I don't know how to feel about this developement [Sep. 20th, 2008|04:51 am]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
I have begun to judge those I know and love not by how I think they acted, but by that when they did act, they did so because they felt they acted the right way.


I feel that if I could extend this manner of thinking further then I could develope a new way of living.

Perhaps the first line of this post is the thesis of my first philosophy.
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Economics [Aug. 21st, 2008|09:35 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
The common knowledge is to buy low and sell high. My economics teachers took it a step farther with today's little gem.


"Buy when the blood flows, sell when fools are celebrating"
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Things change, thus is life. [Aug. 13th, 2008|04:13 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Allow me to be emo for a moment.

I helped Stephanie move. She has moved to Fort Stewart Georgia in order to pursue opportunities which are not present in Illinois. She could not afford to get her stuff moved so she threw away everything that she could not fit in her car.

I haven't wrote much about what all went down with Stephanie and me. I never really talked about it to her after the fact, I never felt like I could give her any input which would do anything but upset her.

none the less, Her and I are two very different people and She is looking for very different things in life than I am. She is not a bad person and I harbor no ill will towards her.

I helped her clean up her house and throw away things. It was hard for her but also for me. A lot of the stuff that got pitched was things left over from the wedding. A lot of the other stuff was things which were related to us "starting our life together". I am lacking to words to adequately describe how I feel.

We also had a "Fight Club" moment, in that I was noting how much we associate a person's belongings with that person. It was weird for me that in throwing away someone's stuff it is almost like throwing away pieces of them.

Over the last 6 months Stephanie and myself have gone through various changes to our relationship. I left her on the altar but it really didn't sink in that it was over till the week before spring break almost 3 months later. For the first few months she was still in the mentality that we could still make it work and I was still trying to break free. We had a nasty fight before I left for spring break, concurrent with the established pattern of us having a fight right before I left town for any reason, and after that we had no contact till right before I left for OCS.

Returning from OCS we have had contact oft and on, She wanted my thoughts on her situation and her deciding to move. I said my piece but made it clear in a tactless way that I still did not want to be with her as a lover anymore.

I think that the end state of all things with me and her over the last 2 years is that we are friends and will stay that way. There are no do overs in life, but I think she would have been better off if I stayed broken up with her in November of 2006. She moved down to Carbondale in December and thusly entered into college a semester earlier than she had planned to.

I am not blaming myself for the deterioration of her situations, as it was fairly jacked up to begin with, I just think that her moving to Carbondale before she was ready to really put her in a bad spot.

I think that I lied to myself from the get go. I believed that I could over look her status as a mother and that I would come to want to be the father of her children. I thought that at some point a light would come on and all of a sudden I would be all excited about doing "family" things. That light never came on.

Enough of this for now.
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3 days and a wake up [Jun. 29th, 2008|03:30 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
The end is in sight.

We have no more graded events, I will graduate in the top 10-20% of the company.

This past week we finished things up with graded endurance course, a 12 mile night hike, some briefs on the Basic School and we beat down some fools with pugil sticks.


As predicted, it was three on three and my team creamed the guys we went against. I got the first guy with a thrust to the face. We then rolled up the other two guys with thrusts and horizontal buttstrikes.

I ran my best PFT ever. 19:45 3 mile, 15 dead hang pull ups, and 100 crunches.

all we have this week is a field meet, medal of honor run. a Motivational run and a Log race. Every day we have graduation practice. Wednesday is family day so I will get to spend a few hours with my folks then graduation goes at 0900 on Thursday. I am spending a few days with my folks and I will be in Atlanta on the 5th.

I look forward to seeing you. I have some tough choices to make, but thats my life. Saying goodby to Sgt. Blackout and hello to 2nd Lieutenant Blackout
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I got a bunch of your messages, not so much letters. [Jun. 14th, 2008|07:41 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
[Current Location |Q-town, barbershop/internet cafe]
[music |Sgt Instructors screaming at me]

The OCS update.

I have been busy as all get out here at Quantico. Week 3 came to an end and I am on my first liberty period. We are the duty platoon so I have to go back to the Barracks at 2200 and then we are let out again at 0800.

Most of us are going to IHOP in the morning. That should be good.

This phase of OCS has been fairly intense. I really like my platoon and I am grateful for having the instructors I do.

I am actually gaining weight this year. They changed how are PT is run so instead of running us into the ground like they did previous years, they are concentrating on "total Military fitness". We do alot less running than last year, but a lot more upper body. We do a thing called the "muscle endurance course", you go from station to station and at each point you do an exercise for 1 minute, as many reps as you can. Its mostly push ups, pull ups, barbell curls and military press. Things of that nature. There is one thing we call the "Spartan Workout" which is a bunch of logs fixed to a pivot pole, you lift the free end up to your chest and then for a minute pop press it from your chest above your head. Good times

We tend to finish with "push pull abs" and my arms feel like jelly after a pyramid of push ups, pull ups and sit ups.

Then they pad out the rest of the day with a few hours of close order drill, classes and field exercises.

We have had a bunch of graded events, I am doing fairly well, My physical fitness scores are in the high 80%, my Academics are in the middle 90% and my leadership score is around an 85%, nothing particularly stellar, but it keeps me in the boat at this point.

This coming week is going to be brutal, but our feeling is that if you pass everything this week you have passed the course.

We hike out to the field at 1900 tommorrow, then at 0200 we have a 9 mile hike, followed by 2 days of "squad in the offense" then we get our orders and set off on the next 2 days of the Small Unit Leadership Evaluation Part 2. SULE II is our final for leadership. It is the most heavily weighed event. You have to take your squad and lead them from a tactical assembly area to an objective, hit and take the objective. You conduct this operation from the planning phase to the execution and consolodation. You are giving a map, a compass, some grids and your squad. Prepare to lead, candidate!

The ass kicker is that everyone has to do it and there are 16 guys in our squads, so we do this 16 times. Each Assembly area (which we have to run to between attacks) is about a klick appart. Then you form up and go on the assault, wash rinse and repeat. We are only going to be running on 4 hours of sleep.

Anyrate, for those of you who need the rest of the address, its E company 2nd Platoon, I will update this to facebook as well as myspace.

Fondest Reguards.
Blackout
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Been a minute since I hollered at you. [Apr. 21st, 2008|06:20 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
[Current Location |Fortress of Awesome, Carbondale IL]
[mood |Yeah Boy]
[music |"stay fly" Three 6 Mafia]

I will actually write something. Normally I just get lazy and post youtube videos.

Along the same lines, I have a few videos on youtube the username is Blackoutdaddy.

Things are pretty darn good for me. I have been partying a bit more than I should but on the other hand I PT just about every day. My PFT score has gone up about 60 points since January.

I have lost an inch or two around my waist, but I still weight the same. This rocks so hard. I got a good tan, as a friend hooked me up with a package.

I get into feelings here and there but I have a variety of ways to deal with that, mostly exercise and video games.

I spend a lot more time in the saddle. I have also been giving rides to the some of the honies I run around with. I am very pleased to report that the heaviest one so far has been 120lbs. She is about 5 ft 7.

I have hit a lot of the speakers going at SIU. I have had the opportunity to enjoy some of the great minds of our day.

I will admit, not everything is ideal. My grades are going to be a little worse than normal, but I have been concentrating more on other aspects of my life. I should still get a mix of A's and B's but I believe that there will probably be more B's this time around than normal. Perhaps a C, but truly these Econ classes are getting rough.

However, I was honored at the University Honors day, my scholarship was increased, and it feels good to have the School up on your nuts. I have a free ride for next year locked on via FASFA but I got some plans for the cash that the School will kick me.

I am going to leave things at that, but in the next installment I will have to fill you in on how I went from the creepy room mate to the awesome room mate with a quickness. Additionally how I have been cradle robbing bridger style. Lord knows I have always desired women who have bodies which are pure yet minds that are corrupt.
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Easter [Mar. 24th, 2008|05:02 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier
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"Even if I die in Iraq, ain't nothing to it, Gangsta Rap made me do it. [Mar. 24th, 2008|04:59 pm]
The Broken Clockwork Soldier

When ever I do things, no matter how fucked up, I find the media which praises my behavior.
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